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I didn’t like this movie the first
time I saw it when it was called Snatch. This is one of those dark comedies,
which is the same as a regular comedy but without all the humor. Directed by
Donny “Freddy vs. Jason” Yu and written by Stel “Never done anything before nor will he ever again”
Pavlou, Formula 51 is meant to be funny. I know I just mentioned that a second
ago but I need to remind you because watching this film it will be easy to forget. Before
diving into this bog of eternal stench I am going to point out that Samuel L. Jackson has an executive producer credit on
this film so don’t go feeling sorry for him, he’s as much to blame as the other two.
We first meet Elmo McElroy (Jackson) as
a brilliant young chemist just out of school who gets pulled over for smoking the wacky tabacky. Naturally because Elmo is caught smoking weed once he is doomed to the lowest levels of the criminal underworld
and forced to cook up drugs. I think this is supposed to be some sort of commentary,
like if Elmo hadn’t gotten pulled over he would have gone on to cure puppy cancer or something, so don’t do drugs,
or do drugs but don’t get caught, or don’t arrest people for doing drugs or they are libel to make crappy movies,
or whatever. So Elmo’s making drugs for The Lizard (Meat Loaf), who is
supposed to be so funny cause he curses a lot and refers to himself in the third person.
Elmo attempts to blow him up and runs off to Liverpool to sell his awesome new drug that is “51 times stronger
than cocaine, 51 times more hallucinogenic than acid and 51 times more explosive than ecstasy.” He mentions this several times and everyone simply believes this asinine claim without any proof whatsoever. Who would even want something like that, wouldn’t that pretty much kill you
if you took it? Has someone been complaining about cocaine not being cocainey
enough? Well I guess they have cause Elmo’s got no shortage of jerks that
want it.
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| You guys are British, can one of you explain this script? |
I’ll admit
that I’m an ignorant, poor American; I’ve never been able to afford to travel anywhere. Sure, for all I know England is infested with hooligans on an epidemic scale, so I’m not going to
cast aspersions on the director’s choice to portray England as full of only hooligans & comedically placed corpses. So Elmo goes to Liverpool, followed by the Lizard’s hitwoman, Dakota who’s
very boring and has so few lines that you kind of like her for it. Once in Liverpool
Elmo meets up with Felix DeSouza who is so funny cause… whoo hoo get this, he’s a soccer hooligan who just happens
to be our hitwoman’s ex beau, what a zany coincidence. Did I mention his
name is Felix DeSouza? Everyone else does, they don’t refer to him as “Felix”
but rather the more specific “Felix DeSouza” like Great Britain is so overrun with Felixes that it’s important
to differentiate. Did I mention Elmo’s in a kilt? It’s important that I do because this movie feels it’s important we notice. You see…
tee hee… everyone keeps calling it a dress or a skirt… har har. Now
this might work were the movie set in Nowhere, Alabama. This movie is set in
England, are you telling me no one in England recognizes a fucking kilt? Are
you sure this is what you want to pass off as humor, movie?
FELIX DESOUZA:
Fucking yanks. The trouble with the fucking yanks is, they've no fucking sense. I had some dick in Los Angeles actually ask
me where I learned English. English, fuck!
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| Not even taking a drug 51 times more hallucinogenic than acid makes this movie funny |
What else passes for humor in this movie?
Oooh! Look how eccentric all the criminals are! This fat druglord has
hemorrhoids, funny right? No? Ok,
how about this… The cops are more corrupt than the criminals, that’s a laugh right? Still no? Elmo tricks some skinheads & gives them explosive
diarrhea, comedy gold yeah? Come on you have to think liquid crap is funny! Not laughing yet? Hmm… oh I know! Americans and Brits are different & have different ways of speaking, take for
example this delightful bon mot taken directly from the movie:
ELMO: “What
the fuck did they do to this fish? Batter it to death?"
FELIX DESOUZA: “Fish
‘N Chips, mate, national dish.”
ELMO: “More
like a national disaster.”
By far the zaniest use
of humor is the fucking joke that is the script. You see, our inspired screenwriter
decided to use the word “fuck” in place of competent storytelling. Now
I have the tendency to exaggerate a little, but believe me when I say there are parts of this movie where entire scenes are
incoherent because of the cursing. I fucking love to curse, but this movie put
me way over my limit. So anyway a bunch of useless scenes occur that do absolutely
nothing to progress the “story”.
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| Pictured all over: Meat Loaf |
Oh & here’s
the best part, the zany twist ending is that it’s not only a double cross, but a double-double cross. The drugs aren’t real, the ingredients cancel each other out, oh brilliant! Also Elmo gives The Lizard a pill that makes you explode and then The Lizard explodes at the most appropriate
moment, funny. At the close of the film there’s a couple sentences about
what happens to our heroes like we’re at the end of a feel good coming of age story and as if we give a fuck. It mentions that no one ever found out why Elmo wore a kilt & then in the very next scene we find out
why he wore a kilt. So I guess the movie meant no one ever found out why he wore
a kilt except for all the people Elmo subsequently tells. You see, the kilt bears
the tartan of his former slave master. Our good chemist claims his slave owner’s
castle (that makes him like at least 136 years old doesn’t it?) and walks around naked.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that this part of the film must have been a gag ending that was never intended to
make the final cut, then I remembered the previous 90 minutes of bullshit I had just watched & realized that it was actually
me that was wrong & then I cried. I think I’ll sum up my feelings by
paraphrasing The Lizard:
“[This movie] fucked me, I’m
truly ass-invaded!”
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